Facebook

Hello and Welcome Penny. Penny is an old friend from high school, and we have recently reconnected using facebook. Which brings me to today's topic. Facebook. If your not on it I highly recommend it. It is a website service that allows you to connect and stay connected to your friends and family. For me it has become sort of an online class reunion. I have found old friends that I lost contact with once I moved away from home. I have also found a cousin who was the closest thing I had to a sister when I was younger. Being military Dave and I have made many friends along the way, but when we move we all seem to loose contact. This facebook has slowly brought us all together again, and I can honestly say "I'm a Facebook addict" I check it 3 times a day, mourning, noon and night. Sometime more if I have a conversation going. The thing I like the best is seeing all my old friends and how well they have all done for themselves. So if you are reading this and your not on facebook, then please make a profile and add me as your friend so I can snoop on you for a while.
Oh and Penny Im always up for a walk. Just stop on by.

Pity Party

Okay, no more pity party. Its time for everyone to go home. Looking back at the last few entries Ive noticed a reoccurring theme, and I don't like it. I don't even know why you keep coming back to read this blog. This blog was not meant to be so depressing, but it was intended to be my voice and what I was thinking at the time. I think now that Ive wasted allot of time on the negative I will focus more on the positive then I will be a happier person. So I wiped away the last tears and put on a smile. Since the stories that make the happiest are the ones about the children I will tell you a little story.
We all know that Dave and I are trying to save our money so we can invest it into the decor of our new house. We told the boys that the more money we save the bigger their rooms will be. To this Dylan has handed over all of his $5.00 tooth fairy and Easter egg hunt money. He also suggested that we save our money and when we go to McDonald's for his happy meals I should just use the credit card. So I guess its a good thing that we just got a credit increase on the credit card.

me

There is an "idea" of the person I want to be and the actual person that I am. I think by my little journal writing I will find myself somewhere in between the two.
I want to be healthy. I do pilates and yoga most of the time, but I still end up eating McDonalds.
I want to be wealthy. I'm very nit picky on what I spend money on, but when I really want something I don't care if it makes my account balance go into the negatives.
I want to be happy. I try very hard at something that should be so easy.
I want to be a great mom. I listen to my children. I read and do homework. I cook and clean, but I don't always get down on the ground and roll around with them.
I want to be the best wife. I believe I already am. I'm supportive, loving, and kind.
I want to be crafty. I can do a bang up job on a craft, but making it a hobby? I soon loose momentum. Like my journal scrapbooks. Brian and Dylan's are pretty much up to date, but the babies are still blank pages.
I want to be a good cook. I love making creative dishes like whats in the Pampered Chef books, but ask me to do it more then twice a week and I'm out of ideas.
There is more, but I'm being paged by some 2 year olds who seem to drain me of all my energy.

I guess looking at things a little more closely, I'm not so bad.

just thoughts

I couldn't think of a title for this entry because its just some thoughts. I was talking to Dave last night on the phone and he worries about me and my sanity. I have to agree and disagree with him. He worries because I have been letting the littlest things bother me. He knows that this is not my "normal" behavior. So what if the laundry is piled high on my bed, so what if the boys didn't eat every single piece of food on their plate, so what if the noise level is a little high? Well I guess these are all problems here at my parent house, and I'm stuck in the middle. I'm trying to keep my calm and relaxed parenting methods, while obeying the rules of the house that I grew up with, and truth be told I'm going a little crazy. I keep looking towards the future of when we will be leaving and back to our own routine that I am ignoring all the moments that are happening now. I need to figure out a way to get back into the moment and not let the small things bother me so much, but my question is how? How do I make my mom understand that I really don't care if the babies stayed in their pajamas all day if we had no plans to go anywhere. How do I get my dad to understand that the boys ate most of their food, and that's better then not eating at all. How do I get the boys to accept that my answer is no and stop pestering me? I was reading Carrie's blog and she basically wrote how looking around her house she saw signs of her children everywhere. Shoes all over the floor, books and homework spread around. The thing is she didn't see a mess, she saw a family and a home. When I look at the same thing here in my house I see a mess, and that brings me to tears. I want to see my family, my house. Most people wish time would slow down and I want it to go faster. I know it will come. I know time will slow down and for now I must have patience and enjoy the time I have left here with my parents, but how?

early mornings

I remember the times when one of my kids would wake up in the middle of the night just needing to be comforted. Last night it seemed that all 4 woke up at the same time. First Brian came into my room saying he needed to use the bathroom. Ok I told him and walked him to the bathroom only to realize he was still asleep and peed in his bed. Oops accidents happen I tell him. About an hour later Dylan comes in to tell me that Ashley is crying and that makes him not able to sleep so can he watch cartoons? I tell him that there are no cartoons on at 2am. I go to check on Ashley who is sound asleep. At 3am I hear Nick knocking on the door because he needs a refill on his milk. As Im walking dreamily back to my bed I hear Ashley call out. It is 330am and Im wondering what plan is going on between these two babies. Do they have twin osmosis? They are talking and laughing even though they are in separate rooms. I decide that the best thing is to bring them into my room before they wake up the boys and my parents. I try to sing them to sleep, but apparently Im not the next american idol. Ashley puts her little hand over my mouth and Nick yells NO! I cant help but to laugh which of course gets them laughing. Now falling back to sleep is pretty much out of the question. At 430am I turn on cartoons. I fall asleep while Nick talks to the tv and Ashley plays with my hair. Finally at 630am I look to see that both of them have fallen asleep. I close my eyes and in what seemed like only a moment I hear the older boys fighting over who's turn it is in the bathroom. I look at the clock and its 745am. I get up to settle the fight and make breakfast and some very strong coffee. At 820am I send the boys out to the bus stop. I sit on my bed looking at my sweet sleeping babies and ponder do I lay back down, or do I wake them up so I can take a nap in the afternoon when they do. I decide to wake them up, because I know that as soon as I fall asleep they will wake up and never want to take that nap. I take the kids outside to play and drink my strong coffee. Now it is nap time and I cant sleep.
There is nothing more in the world that I enjoy more than being a mother.

Dave has moved on yet again. His visit with was us was short, but well worth it. Not only because we took a much needed family vacation, but because we got a little bit of the feeling back of what our lives are when we are together. The boys didn't get yelled at for every little thing. The babies got to know their dad outside of the computer and I got to sleep in and not worry over every little thing. The best part for me was seeing the boys actually happy and enjoyed every bit of the attention their dad gave them. I'm not sure what my problem is, but here at my parents house I am not the same mom. I find myself more moody and irritated. I think its a little bit because I'm such a laid back parent and my parents are a little strict, so I fill pulled to be both. I'm also under the same roof that I grew up under and find myself being talked to like I was 17, and I don't like it. One thing is for sure we need a BIG house. The bigger the better. Having 4 adults and 4 kids running around this house has made me a little feel a little cramped. Then we had a dinner party and had 12 adults and 10 kids running around and I couldn't even think straight. I now know what my brother feels like when he comes over for a visit. All this aside I still love the fact that I always have a home to come back too.